As I write there is an amusement park dedicated to funding in Heaton Park in Manchester. For my friends in the south think Hampstead Heath but better. 

Funder Park, to give the experience its proper name, has a number of thrilling experiences such as Cliffhanger (it really does!).

So, what other treats might we expect to find? Some suggestions are:

Ghost Train: travel through the darkness in search of the promised phantom replacement funding for EU grants.

Waltzer: spin your head round and round while funders change the grant conditions midway.

Carousel: sit in the same place while appearing to move forward, only to finish exactly where you started.

Coconut Shy: try to hit all the criteria off their hoops to win a prize, but too late notice you can only throw table tennis balls.

Hall of Mirrors: try to navigate a path through all the distortions required to secure funding without laughing uncontrollably at the ridiculous nature of the task. 

Roller Coaster: try to hold on to your stomach, and breakfast, while parroting the ridiculous dogma that official bodies insist on seeing in bids. 

Whack-a-Mole: need I say more? 

Welcome to the pleasure dome!